u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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