I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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