is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
