I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize