It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's blow job season.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
