im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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