I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
