I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
