Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This is not my ceiling
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
