the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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