We named our party play list daddy issues
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
