More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
