her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize