Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
