U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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