So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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