i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
