Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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