She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I believe in your delicious
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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