The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize