I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
