where does the pee come out of this thing
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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