hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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