Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
