Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
