He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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