you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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