Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
