My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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