My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
