There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
