The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
