He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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