You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
