I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
