His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
