upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
