is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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