DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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