i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
