i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
