I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
