What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
