i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
