FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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