but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
