I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize