ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
