It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
