She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
