I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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