You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
