Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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