i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She announced her abortion via fbk
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
