Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
