First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
