We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
