saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dicks are not precious.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
