first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
