Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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