I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
