Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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