Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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