So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
