Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
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you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
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He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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