I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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