I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
